THE BEST AND WORST SEX AND THE CITY BOYFRIENDS

 
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SOPHIE'S BEST:

1. Steve

How can you not love Steve? I love his dorky accent, how he’s shorter than Miranda, his childlike hope that he WILL make that 3 pointer at the Nicks game, and the way he says “I’m a bartender, and I’m cute!” Also, I am pretending that the SATC movies don’t exist (where he cheats on Miranda) by the way.

2. Harry

I actually love Harry just as much as Steve, consider them tied for first place. He is also SUCH a slam dunk after the disaster that was Trey and his penis. Prissy ass Charlotte needed to be grounded with an ugly sweet man such as Harry Goldenblatt. A man so lovely, any woman would happily convert to Judaism for him.

3. Aidan

Aidan is the total package, he loves dogs, has a weird little boho-chic fashion sense, he makes his own furniture, and he’s well over 6 ft. Only problem is, he for some reason loves to put up with Carrie’s tantrums and bullshit time and time again. He is number 3 because among countless other incidents, he allowed Big to come to his hand-built cabin on his and Carrie’s weekend getaway. Only a complete weenie would be okay with this.

4. Smith Jerrod

Smith is adorable, and the perfect mix of being Sam’s bitch but also not being a weenie (see Aidan). Smith is definitely the most attractive of all the SATC boyfriends, but he is also special because he weasels his way into Sam’s cold dead heart, and that counts for something.

5. Richard

Maybe my most controversial choice, but hear me out. Richard may be a huge dick (wink wink) but it was fun to see Sam interacting with the male version of herself. And more importantly, Richard gave Sam the slice of humble pie she deserved. We all know he sucks because he has misogynistic under/overtones but it was fucking hilarious when he kicked that 21 year old out of their threesome for calling him daddy.

SOPHIE'S WORST:

1. Aleksandr

Ew ew ew. I will never understand this character. Not only were his face/accent/voice annoying af, but his character was such a self involved prick. Made worse by the fact that Carrie is so swept up in his, what? Wrinkles? I hate this entire season because of him and their extremely depressing Parisian relationship.

2. Skipper

I know Skipper is a nice guy but he’s so clingy and annoying and I also hate his sex scenes with Miranda more than anything.

3. Berger

Oh my god Berger is such a cranky little brat. He has no style or panache, and gets butthurt so easily. The scrunchy scene is one of the most cringe-worthy of all time, second only to The Note (the break up one he leaves Carrie). It was hilarious when he told Carrie her tiny hat was stupid though (it was).

4. Big

I am not a Big fan, although I don’t hate him. He’s problematic for me because while I do actually think he’s the perfect match for Carrie, I don’t like him as a person. He’s conceited, he’s a liar, and he’s unreliable. He dyes his hair, won’t reveal his age, and goes by fucking “Big.” The best word to describe him for me is “smarmy” not even fully sure what it means but it seems accurate. Insert snake emojis.

CHARLOTTE'S BEST:

1. Steve

Steve Brady is undoubtedly my favorite SATC boyfriend. The episode where he meets Miranda and gives her a free glass of wine, in order to persuade her to talk to him was already enough for me to rank him at numero uno. Steve was always very sweet in a quirky and childish way, some of you might think of childishness as a negative, but whatever I think its cute so leave me alone.

2. Smith Jerrod

Smith Jerrod, formerly Jerry Jerrod, started as one of Samantha’s lover boys and blossomed into a sweet and caring partner for Samantha. He always stuck by Samantha even when she did stupid shit like sleep with Richard. Smith even pulled her out of her anti-relationship beliefs, the episode when he told her “just fucking hold my hand” had me screaming “HOLD HIS HAND SAMANTHA!” at the TV. The only thing I didn’t like about Smith was that the character was so perfect it was unrelatable, am I fuckin right.com or what?

3. Harry Goldenblatt

Unlike Smith, Harry did not have the looks going for him, but boy did he have a heart of gold. Harry worshipped Charlotte and treated her like the princess she was. Harry had a great sense of humor and was well aware of what Charlotte needed in her life. Pretty much Harry’s only flaw was when he kept sitting naked on the new furniture, and that was taken care of pretty easily.

4. Aidan Shaw

Honestly, the only reason I didn’t rank Aidan at number 1 was because he had one major flaw in my eyes: he always put up with Carrie’s bullshit. Carrie often treated precious baby Aidan like garbage. Remember the episode when Carrie’s computer crashed and she took out all her anger on Aidan? Or when Aidan would take her to his cabin in the woods and she would wear heels and scream at squirrels? Aidan was kind and genuine and too good for Ms. Bradshaw. I hope that all my best friends end up with an Aidan in their lives.

5. Mr. Big

There are a lot of mixed reviews about Mr. Big. He is so obviously a giant douchebag and a cheater, but he had a special charm and unlike Aidan, Mr. Big would actually call Carrie out for being ridiculous, which is something she desperately needed. I love the episode when Big took Carrie to a fancy party and she was acting rude so he just said “don’t be a bitch.”

CHARLOTTE'S WORST:

1. Aleksandr

Aleksandr was a gross old man that thought he was hot shit. He was strange and creepy and I hated that Carrie called him her “lover.” I didn’t even like his face. I don’t even think I have anything positive to say about him. That was just a strange relationship from start to finish.

2. Wade

I need to know which fucking Sex and the City writer came up with this dumbass character. Wade worked at a comic book store, played in arcades, rode a scooter, and lived with his parents. I have no idea how I am supposed to believe that Carrie Bradshaw was into this guy even a little bit. When he threw Carrie under the bus and told his parents that she brought weed to their house I wanted to rip the sleeves off his shirt… oh wait, he already did that.

3. Berger

Berger started out fairly promising, but he descended into a bitter little man. He was clearly not over his ex, and he also began to resent Carrie when her career started to flourish. I think any man that is jealous and angry that their partner is more successful than them has got some deep-seated insecurities that they need to work out.

4. Ray

This is another character that made me seriously question the writer’s qualifications and also their sanity. It was like they decided he would be a jazz musician so they just made everything about him jazz. He literally had jazz instruments hanging from the ceiling of his apartment. Also, what a terribly inaccurate portrait of ADD, Ray mostly just gave off crackhead vibes.

5. Trey

Trey was a robot under the control of his scary mother, Bunny. He couldn’t get his dick up and would say “alrighty” in any situation, including sex. The MacDougall clan as a whole was very humorous to me, from the mallard decorations to the kilts it was all so over-the-top. As much as I loved to laugh at Trey, by the time they divorced I was so ready for him and Char to be done.